hello.
i feel that my world is reshaping itself once again. just a month ago, i was in a place where formalities and fake laughers were always appreciated. i always felt comfortable and took delight in lunch escapades with friends and gossiping about military office politics. a few years before that was all about colors and composition. how we are judged by our creativity and that being different was over-ratedly encouraged. and in the middle was the searching. the lack of focus that just made everything blurry and attractive. the cycle of feeling lost and found then not quite found then lost then found again.

but in the birth of these worlds, i discovered myself. it was always easy for me to adjust and infect myself with the different scenes of identity and power. be it battling with stolen vector arts and mad assignment datelines, bootlicking efforts and office scandals, even the chaos of quick excitement and rapid disinterest, it didn't take long for me to get used to them. and sometimes, i do feel that lack of focus is my comfort zone.

now i am traveling again into another new world and i am terrified. i am probably terrified because i know this one is not too confusing. the facts and rules have been laid out clearly for me and i have already chosen to take this route. on my way there, i have brought myself into a place of comfort. i guess it is habitual because having the fear of knowing is making me feel less scared. comfort of fear, i would say. confusing? that's exactly what i want, maybe. negativity is quite therapeutic. it makes you comfortable with complaining and bitterness that you don't have to do the difficult 'adjusting to change.' when change comes, it always has that annoying grinding that makes you queasy.

but the slap-in-your-face fact is that i have to suck it up and take action. my shuttle is landing soon and being bitter, complainy is not going to be much help. this bitter cocoon is similar to sleeping at home all day and watching okto kids programs - no much entertainment value but watch anyway. i am turning into a drone. time to shut up and just do it shawn.

with sighs and much groaning, i'm saying:
i see you, vision. i welcome you and your many unpredictables. haiiiii

(there's a part two)